2am Ramblings of a Fed Up Youth Pastor

I have a confession to make…

I am really tired of youth ministry. Ok, so maybe I am not tired OF youth ministry. Maybe I am just tired of how youth ministry is being done. I’m not gonna get on top my soap box and judge youth ministries across the nation, but I will take a macroscopic look at the ministry that I have been at the captain of.

I am tired of it. I am tired of the same churched up kids. I am tired of apathetic Christianity. I want to make a difference. I want our students to make a difference. I have always envisioned schools turned upside down with the transforming power of Jesus Christ.

WHY ISN’T THIS HAPPENING?!?!?!?

The words of the old song go “if you can use anything Lord, you can use me.” Well… I throw down the gauntlet. I take this challenge to God. Isaiah 6:8. USE ME.

I don’t know where I am going much of the time. 11 years into youth ministry and many times I still feel like a baby taking their first step. I’ve been told I can speak well. But that doesn’t offset the MANY other things I DON’T do well. But THANK GOD this whole thing isn’t supposed to be about me anyway! But I digress…

I am TIRED of youth ministry. I am FED UP with youth groups. I want to reinvent what youth ministry looks like. I want to do something that has never been done in Denver, CO. I want to see teens getting saved EVERY WEEK.

I am sick of maintaining. I am sick of just “doing church.” I am weary from maintaining the “fish tank.” Lord!!!!! You have called me to be a Fisher of Men. So……. HOW DO WE DO A BETTER JOB CATCHING THEM????

I don’t know how youth ministry needs to be changed, but I am willing to see it through. It’s risky. It’s the unknown. But I’ve always been more comfortable there anyway

With God, I want to reinvent the way youth ministry is being done at my church. I don’t know how to even start. God knows how this will roll. I just need to trust Him.

This I know… Red (theredexperience.com) has always stood for an unknown factor. The desire to brand something fresh and new and never-before-seen in this culture. I believe a piece of what Red will be known for is innovating youth ministry.

The message NEVER changes, but the methods must evolve. The only constant in life is change. We must embrace that as a youth ministry. Either evolve or become extinct.

This unanswered question rings in my head: “If we closed our doors tomorrow, would our community even know we were here?”

Post-Surgery Update

So here is the scoop,

The surgery went great! Dr. Mangione and Dr. Gerow successfully removed much of the extra bone that was encroaching on my sciatic nerve and surrounding my hip socket. The delicacy of the operation called for six hours versus the originally planned two. But my hip is doing great! I have almst 90 degrees of motion as compared to 0 before the surgery. Three weeks into recovery, I am still pretty sore, but the pain is decreasing daily. I am in physical therapy every day and slowly seeing strength and function return to my hip area.

My big hurdle right now is the nerve pain in my left leg and foot. On a pain scale of 1-10, this pain averages around a 4-5 each day with spikes as high as 8-9. It is difficult to describe… sometimes it feels like low voltage electricity flowing through my foot. At other times it feels like a 3rd degree sunburn, or as if my top layer of skin as been dragged across sharp coral. Still other sensations include what feels like high voltage “shocks” or being stabbed by a sharp pin. Though the sensation changes, the nerve pain has not gone away or improved. It is very difficult to deal with, as the doctors have not found a medication that effectively deals with this specific type of pain. This has left me most days laying on my couch wrapping my foot and icing it down, trying to take care of the pain as much as possible. I have been prescribed a nerve drug that they have “upped” the dose on 3 times now and it does not seem to be doing much to control the pain.

I am going in on Friday, Jan. 29th to see  a Pain Management Specialist at a clinic up in Lafayette (almost an hour drive away). Please pray that they can find some sort of solution for these nerve issues. It is very frustrating to have to be dealing with “one more thing” after several months of recovery following my accident. I am definitely ready to get back to “life as usual” and this additional complication is really a major hang up right now that is taking its toll on me – physically, emotionally, and mentally.

I know and believe that God will never give me more than what I can bear, but sometimes it seems as if he is getting awful close. Please pray for a quick and full recovery, and that these nerve issues would be resolved. More updates to come…

Social Media… Fad or Revolution? You Decide.

The impact of social media on our everyday lives is truly unbelievable. We cannot reach people in this age with methods that works ten years ago. It is a target rich environment. Eternity is on the line. Our message must remain the same, but our methods must change if we are going to be effective at reaching this generation for the Kingdom of God.

What do YOU think? How will this affect how YOU do ministry? If you know me, you know that I am ALWAYS looking for a chance to brag on my pastor, John Leach. I LOVE that the heart of my pastor and at JFC is to create a “church without walls.” We offer audio and video podcasts, multiple service times and campus locations, and just recently have begun streaming our services live on our website (www.JFC.org for those of you interested in more info). One of our first demos of the live streaming  service, we had people tuning in from all over the world… did you see that? ALL OVER THE WORLD.  That is a spiritual impact we cannot accomplish inside the walls of our church. If we want to reach this generation, we’ve got to get the good news out to where the people are at.

One stat on this vid states that those searching for social media i.e. Facebook, Twitter, etc. OUTNUMBER those searching for porn 2 to 1!!! That’s a LOT of people. We cannot just wait for people to come to us in this culture. We must be able to meet them where they are at. Church without walls. I LOVE IT!!!

Life After November 26th

For those of you who may not know, my life has CHANGED.

I used to feel invincible. I used to be able to rely on myself. I used to be unaware of my pride. I used to feel as if nothing was impossible for me.

It was nine months ago TODAY that I was in a terrible motorcycle accident that has left me with constant pain, a heavy limp, an irreparable PCL knee ligament, an unstable knee joint, nerve damage, a destroyed, repaired, and now fused hip socket, and severely limited mobility.

Before the accident, I was an avid backpacker, hiker, fourteener explorer, camper, mountain biker, rock climber, snowboarder, and soccer player. I don’t know if a day will come that I will ever be physically able to do these things again.

But I have learned a few things along this undesired and definitely unexpected path. I know that God is still God. My wife still needs her husband. My kids still need their Dad. And teenagers in Denver still need someone to connect them to Jesus. Here are just a few of the other lessons I’ve learned along this challenging and difficult journey:

Faith Is The Ability To Trust God When You Can’t Trust God.

The lyrics to an old gospel song, “when you can’t trace His hand, trust His heart” have been in my head and heart through these trying months. As Philip Yancey writes in his book “Disappointment with God,” the true test of Job was whether or not he would still love God even in the middle of the chaos and pain. Faith is not a casual belief in something you are already convinced of. No! Faith is holding onto something you can’t prove, verify, or even at times… TRUST. This is the furnace in which true, unwavering, unshakable faith is forged.

Everything In This Life Comes to Pass

Luke 2:1 tells us that, “it came to pass.” God desires to see how we handle these trying circumstances as they pass us. They aren’t permanent. They aren’t forever (even though it seems like it!) The truth is everything is in a continual state of change. In reality, the only constant IS CHANGE. Give it enough time, and it WILL pass. I have learned, no matter what it is, to continually fight to remind my soul, “This TOO shall pass.”

Perspective Is Everything

I must admit that I continually agonize over the loss of many of the skills and abilities I used to take for granted before my accident. There are MANY things I may never be able to participate in again. Jogging is painful. Hiking is a hefty challenge. Cleaning the garage is thoroughly EXHAUSTING. I CAN’T get my shoes on by myself. My handicapped parking permit is PERMANENT. Snowboarding is out of the question. Yes, this is ALL true. Nevertheless I also have a family who loves me. I work at a church that backs and supports me. I have a job that I LOVE. Even on my worst days, I STILL HAVE COUNTLESS THINGS TO BE THANKFUL FOR. It is these positives – the countless blessings – that the apostle Paul was referring to when he instructed the Christians at Philippi, to “think about such things.” I am attempting to do likewise.

In The Darkest Moments Of Life, A Good Friend Is More Valuable than Gold.

In all of his wisdom, King Solomon spoke of the comradeship, kinship, and deep support that come from friendship. “But pity the man who has no one to help him up… A cord of three strands is not easily broken.” Thanks to my Mom & Pop, Lori Fox, Scott Nockels, Brian Kinney, James Shackelford, Justus Vaccaro, Jack Gelley, Pastor John Leach and my hero and consummate partner through this life – my amazing wife Holly. Without you, I honestly don’t know if I could have ever made it through those darkest moments of my soul.

The Mind Is A Powerful Friend or Foe.

I would like to say that in the midst of terrible physical struggles, I have steadfastly remained positive and uplifting in my mental outlook of the future. The truth is, there have been many, many, many days that I feel defeated, discouraged, depressed, dark, despondent (ok, enough of the “D” words), beaten down, hopeless, overrun, overwhelmed, and overcome. I want to “throw in the towel,” so to speak and just crawl under a blanket and forget the world. I have experienced times so dark that I could almost feel the cloud of despair surrounding my soul. I have heard the distant whisperings of my heart telling me it was not worth going on, that it would be better for me to end it all and take the easy way out of the pain and trials I have endured. Though these times, I have learned that my mental choices determine whether these moments will last a few minutes, a few days, or more. Whether I think I can, or I think I cannot, I have found that either way I have been right. Though I haven’t always prevailed with right thinking, as any good boxing referee knows, “you ain’t out until you stop getting back up!” I’m STILL choosing to “GET BACK UP.”

I Am Content.

Philippians 4:12,13… “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” Yes, there are still many moments in my life that this is more of a “faith statement” than truth of belief, but I continue to strive for this fruit to be alive and active in me. For, “I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.”

Don’t Take Stuff For Granted.

I understand that the phraseology of this point may seem vague to some, but I have learned that EVERYTHING is precious. Who knows when you will no longer have your sight, or touch, or your favorite activities, or the enjoyment of that perfect couch, or contentment with those who are closest to you? Be grateful for everything. ENJOY. DELIGHT. EMBRACE. TREASURE. For tomorrow they may be gone.

Despite Our Circumstances, The Calling Does Not Change.

I am of the strong opinion that the event of November 26, 2008, and the following months of recovering did not take God by surprise. Even in the midst of what I consider a truly challenging, compromised level of the life compared to what I used to live, I am still held accountable before God to fulfill His divine and distinct calling and purpose for my life. It was Gandolf in Lord of the Rings who called out the true nature of one who was born for greatness. “Leave behind the ranger. BECOME who you were BORN to BE!” Each of us has a calling upon our lives. It is not by accident or mistake. God does not pass out exceptions for tough times or mulligans for bumpy roads. HIS CALLING REMAINS. SO MUST I.

If you have found this blog entry to be helpful to you, I welcome you to listen to a message I shared months ago as I began this long slow road towards recovery. It is entitled, “Finding Hope In The Brokenness.” You can download it for free at iTunes, search “The Red Experience.” Thank you.

Experiences from the Hospital

I think one of the most insignificant, yet thoroughly frustrating parts of my recovery process from the injury is having to drive down to the hospital every couple of months, battling traffic, wrestling for a parking spot, and then standing at registration, in a line longer than the wait for Space Mountain at Disneyworld. But there is no exciting destination for this line… Just more waiting, more lines. You see, here at Denver Health, watching paint dry is considered one of the “faster” services they offer. Getting seen by a Dr. on the other hand… well, hopefully you have penciled in “All Day” on your calendar.

Ok. I apologize for my little tirade here. Enough ranting… I’m finally done with my doctor’s appt. Now I can go spend some time doing something I do love… Youth ministry. Thank you Jesus.

Thoughts on Transformers

Ok, judge me. Call me super-spiritual, or legalistic, or out of touch with today’s cultural norms, or overly sensitive, or whatever… but my heart feels… saddened.

Strange. Maybe it’s because I am getting older, or perhaps because as a Dad I just see things differently now, but my actual reactions were diametrically opposed from what I thought they would be…

Standing in a surging sea of teenagers, moments after Transformers 2 credits rolled, I feel an overwhelming realization of the cultural war I am up against.

How do I combat this kind of cultural message to our students? How can my one voice even make a difference?

Inundated with a billion dollar culture of music, values, and media that I can’t even begin to touch. In one night hundreds of thousands of young lives across the nation were exposed to Hollywood’s message.

I just feel … Grieved. I don’t know how else to explain it. As my boys cheered from the entrance of the scantily clad heroine… How do I make a difference? What do I do compared with this? Something has become dislodged in my spirit…

How do we prevail against this? How do we be in the world, but not like it? How do we set a higher standard when we are sucked into the world’s lowering standards?

Can we impact it more than IT impacts us? Maybe these are just the mad musings of a spiritual leader no longer on the cultural cusp of trendiness.

Standing in the cacophony hugging, macking, and high fiving teens, sharing their favorite moments of the movie, I just felt out of place. How do we allow God to breakthrough to deeper transforming things, and go beyond a superficial, gone in a moment reactions of a cultural influence like this?

Where does God fit in all of this? How do I fit in to all of this? How can I even begin to stem this tide, much less overcome it with good? Am I pedaling positive feelings or authentic life change?

I feel as if the cultural war is being waged in epic proportions all around me and all I brought is a penknife; that the culture influences by the dump truck full and all I have is a small snow shovel.

Am I overreacting? What would Jesus do? Oh I wish I knew. Curse the darkness or light a candle? How do we instill convictions??? How do I connect people to spiritual transformation; life change with Jesus, and not just give them kudos for using “fudge” instead of the actual F word.

What does it mean to be more like Jesus? How do we engage the darkness without embracing and becoming like it? How are we as Christians called to stand out and be different? Will He recognize us when He comes? Will our cause clear?

I don’t want to overreact, but I just witnessed a cultural
phenomenon that I somehow cannot shake. How do I equip young Christian leaders to lead, instead of linger; to influence, and not just be influenced?

Navigating Leadership Transitions

THE LAST FEW MONTHS  HAVE BEEN INCREDIBLY TRYING MOMENTS OF MY SOUL. In the midst of one of the most difficult seasons for me personally, many of the people whom I have dearly loved in our ministry have “thrown in the towel” and left our ministry leadership team.

I take it personally. Maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe I need to keep people at arms length. But I can’t. I’m just not wired that way.

My leadership team is my ministry FAMILY. When someone leaves (out of character issues, or “its just time to move on”) I cannot help but feel deeply wounded at their departure; like something has torn loose in my HEART.

I RECENTLY CAME ACROSS THE FOLLOWING THOUGHT-PROVOKING STATEMENT FROM TD JAKES ON THIS TOPIC:
“If we are to avoid disappointment as pastors, we must adjust our expectations to the reality rather than the IDEAL of ministry. Idealistically, we think we have found a place of fulfillment in the pastorate. Idealistically, we believe if we lay down our lives for the sheep, we will be applauded. The truth is, the shepherd is only a steward of the sheep. The sheep are being reared for a purpose – and that purpose is neither camaraderie nor friendship. The flock will not give you a sense of family. If you expect that, then you will end up feeling betrayed. They will not give you intimacy or affection. They will take from your scarred and bleeding hands direction without affection, guidance without commitment…”

Somewhat discouraging? Yes. But it is this last line of Jakes’ statement that gives me hope:

“…Only those who make the transition from SHEEP to DISCIPLES begin to feel any level of loyalty – and that is the direct result of discipline.”

Not EVERYONE is called to be a long-term member of your flock. Some God has called only for a temporary season. When it is time, they WILL leave.

Most of the time YOU can’t change them… They are who they are – Sheep or Disciples. Our job as leaders is not to mourn over the ones who go, but to SEEK OUT the ones who desire to be disciples and offer them opportunities to take up spiritual ownership in the ministry.

If you are going to be an effective shepherd, pastor, or spiritual leader, you must be able to differentiate between the two. If you confuse the makeup of you flock, it will only lead to DISCOURAGEMENT and feelings of inadequacy as a pastor and leader.

“Darkness Held Back” ::Saturday Night of Coram Deo 09

Tonight was disappointing. Not because of what God did (and he did A LLOT), but in how I thought it would happen.

It was a powerful night. Lives were changed. Sin was abandoned. Prayers were heard. Hearts realigned. Prisoners set free. Commitments made. Old lives discarded. God’s incredible message of hope and heart of love embraced… Yet I felt that God move in spite of me, not of because of me.

I am thankful that when I miss the boat, God still tale ATP where we need to be. To be honest, I was disappointed with how our closing service went. I had great stories, engaging video clips, a moving and poignant theme, by when I all came together; something was missing (in my opinion). I felt like the service failed.

I asked God. He assure me I did what I was supposed I do. I guess sometimes God moves IN SPITE OF US instead of BECAUSE OF US.

In the end, we ended up where God wanted us to be, even though the method of path was not how I thought we should get there.

It was such a powerful night in the hearts and minds of the students. I guess God is STILL teaching me. Shocker, I know…

Farewell and Goodbye. Catalyst… we will miss you.

It has been awhile since I have blogged. Life has been… INVOLVED.

God has been moving and I have been the somewhat confused partner in it.

Last night Holly and I experienced the definitive close to a substantial season and chapter in our lives. It was a challenging night of emotions; a celebrated night of historic victories; and a sad night of “good byes.”

Catalyst has become our home and FAMILY for the last 4 years as it has been our privilege to lead the youth and young adult ministry at Orch Rd Christ. Center. These years have seen stunning defeats, overwhelming obstacles, extraordinary victories, and sovereign moves of God: a breathtaking room remodel, 11 amazing retreats, a couple dozen life-changing outreach nights, and over 160 Wednesday night services….

Tonight marked the END of this journey.

As I reflect on this profound season in my life, I am aware of so many lessons God has taught me along the way. Allow me to share a few…

01. Family is a rare commodity. Treasure it. Develop it. Model it. Create it.

What has set Catalyst apart has not been the teaching, the worship, the events, or the video game stations. Catalyst is different because we have put such high value on “being family.” What have I learned? Don’t build a ministry. CULTIVATE A FAMILY.

02. Projects and events are not fulfilling. People are. When you are out of the “people business” you are out of ministry.

I don’t have any regrets of taking time from “office work” to spend time with people… like taking lunch breaks with Travis, Mark, and Josh; playing guitar hero with Zach, late nights with Chrissie, interrupting conversations with Carrie , or going rock climbing with Bryan.

The old Chinese adage is so true: “If you want a year of harvest, sow in corn. If you want a decade of harvest, sow in oak trees. If you want a lifetime of harvest, sow in people.”

Indeed.

03. We lead through our strengths. But we connect with our weaknesses.

This was such a profound truth for me to learn… Some of my greatest nights of Catalyst were not textbook teachings, contextual exegesis, or profound biblical principles, but simple and practical lessons birthed out of the mistakes, trials, and insecurities of my own life. Don’t be afraid to let people see your strengths AND weaknesses.

04. People don’t care how much you know. They want to know how much you care. You can connect with someone far better by listening than by talking.

Someone once said, “You can accomplish more in 2 months by listening to someone else than you can in 2 years by talking about yourself.” God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason. I think He wants us to act accordingly.

05. Though they may never tell you until you leave, NEVER UNDERESTIMATE the impact of your life and legacy in other’s lives.

One of the greatest mind games of my world is that my life doesn’t matter - that all of my efforts, my encouragements, my words, and my LIFE simply DON’T MATTER. To hear students and leaders tell us tonight that we had a fundamental role in their lives being transformed by God was dauntly. I needed to hear it. There are more times than I’d rather admit that I question whether God finds me usable for his purposes.

06. Words truly do hold the power of life and death. Wield your words very carefully. Use that power to encourage others.

I love the word “encourage.” It literally means, “to put courage into.” That is what we are doing as we encourage others. We are PUTTING COURAGE into the them to accomplish what God has designed and orchestrated for them to do.

What an opportunity.

07. People are inspired by bigger-than-life, planet-shaking vision. Don’t be hesitant about sharing your seemingly-impossible vision with others.

08. 7 words can change a person’s life: “I love you. I’m proud of you.“

I used to feel funny about those words coming out of my mouth. Now, I see the power they have in someone else’s life. Don’t be afraid to say them loud and often.

09. This generation is hungry to know and follow people who, though not perfect, try to live out life in a transparent, authentic, God-honoring way.

10. People won’t remember WHAT you said, but they will remember the spirit and heart of your life. Don’t be afraid to let them in.

As the future unveils itself, I look to it with anticipation. This season has closed. But I am confident that God is faithful. Not only will He continue what he began in Catalyst even after we are gone, but I look forward to what God has in store for our future as well.

Well… I guess its time to put this one in the books. Rest assured, wherever I am, you’ll find me pursuing God, loving people, and shaking the gates of hell.

I leave you with this closing thought: “The future belongs to those who have the courage to invent it.”

I guess its time to go do some inventing…

What do you do when you’re the most powerful person in the room?

This is a powerful short talk by Andy Stanley called “What do you do when you’re the most powerful person in the room.”

“In Jesus’ moment of greatest recognition of power, his first line of response was to shed his symbols of power and leverage that power for the sake of the other people in the room.”

WOW. I mean what a paradigm shift from our self-serving, “hey, let me remind you how important I am,” flexing of our INSECURE spiritual leadership muscles.

What an example He leaves for us to follow – the ultimate leadership principle. I just went back and looked up a few of these passages on servant leadership. Pretty amazing stuff.

Philippians 2:3-8, Mark 9:33-35, & Luke 14:7-11

Click here to watch the video.