Life After November 26th

For those of you who may not know, my life has CHANGED.

I used to feel invincible. I used to be able to rely on myself. I used to be unaware of my pride. I used to feel as if nothing was impossible for me.

It was nine months ago TODAY that I was in a terrible motorcycle accident that has left me with constant pain, a heavy limp, an irreparable PCL knee ligament, an unstable knee joint, nerve damage, a destroyed, repaired, and now fused hip socket, and severely limited mobility.

Before the accident, I was an avid backpacker, hiker, fourteener explorer, camper, mountain biker, rock climber, snowboarder, and soccer player. I don’t know if a day will come that I will ever be physically able to do these things again.

But I have learned a few things along this undesired and definitely unexpected path. I know that God is still God. My wife still needs her husband. My kids still need their Dad. And teenagers in Denver still need someone to connect them to Jesus. Here are just a few of the other lessons I’ve learned along this challenging and difficult journey:

Faith Is The Ability To Trust God When You Can’t Trust God.

The lyrics to an old gospel song, “when you can’t trace His hand, trust His heart” have been in my head and heart through these trying months. As Philip Yancey writes in his book “Disappointment with God,” the true test of Job was whether or not he would still love God even in the middle of the chaos and pain. Faith is not a casual belief in something you are already convinced of. No! Faith is holding onto something you can’t prove, verify, or even at times… TRUST. This is the furnace in which true, unwavering, unshakable faith is forged.

Everything In This Life Comes to Pass

Luke 2:1 tells us that, “it came to pass.” God desires to see how we handle these trying circumstances as they pass us. They aren’t permanent. They aren’t forever (even though it seems like it!) The truth is everything is in a continual state of change. In reality, the only constant IS CHANGE. Give it enough time, and it WILL pass. I have learned, no matter what it is, to continually fight to remind my soul, “This TOO shall pass.”

Perspective Is Everything

I must admit that I continually agonize over the loss of many of the skills and abilities I used to take for granted before my accident. There are MANY things I may never be able to participate in again. Jogging is painful. Hiking is a hefty challenge. Cleaning the garage is thoroughly EXHAUSTING. I CAN’T get my shoes on by myself. My handicapped parking permit is PERMANENT. Snowboarding is out of the question. Yes, this is ALL true. Nevertheless I also have a family who loves me. I work at a church that backs and supports me. I have a job that I LOVE. Even on my worst days, I STILL HAVE COUNTLESS THINGS TO BE THANKFUL FOR. It is these positives – the countless blessings – that the apostle Paul was referring to when he instructed the Christians at Philippi, to “think about such things.” I am attempting to do likewise.

In The Darkest Moments Of Life, A Good Friend Is More Valuable than Gold.

In all of his wisdom, King Solomon spoke of the comradeship, kinship, and deep support that come from friendship. “But pity the man who has no one to help him up… A cord of three strands is not easily broken.” Thanks to my Mom & Pop, Lori Fox, Scott Nockels, Brian Kinney, James Shackelford, Justus Vaccaro, Jack Gelley, Pastor John Leach and my hero and consummate partner through this life – my amazing wife Holly. Without you, I honestly don’t know if I could have ever made it through those darkest moments of my soul.

The Mind Is A Powerful Friend or Foe.

I would like to say that in the midst of terrible physical struggles, I have steadfastly remained positive and uplifting in my mental outlook of the future. The truth is, there have been many, many, many days that I feel defeated, discouraged, depressed, dark, despondent (ok, enough of the “D” words), beaten down, hopeless, overrun, overwhelmed, and overcome. I want to “throw in the towel,” so to speak and just crawl under a blanket and forget the world. I have experienced times so dark that I could almost feel the cloud of despair surrounding my soul. I have heard the distant whisperings of my heart telling me it was not worth going on, that it would be better for me to end it all and take the easy way out of the pain and trials I have endured. Though these times, I have learned that my mental choices determine whether these moments will last a few minutes, a few days, or more. Whether I think I can, or I think I cannot, I have found that either way I have been right. Though I haven’t always prevailed with right thinking, as any good boxing referee knows, “you ain’t out until you stop getting back up!” I’m STILL choosing to “GET BACK UP.”

I Am Content.

Philippians 4:12,13… “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” Yes, there are still many moments in my life that this is more of a “faith statement” than truth of belief, but I continue to strive for this fruit to be alive and active in me. For, “I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.”

Don’t Take Stuff For Granted.

I understand that the phraseology of this point may seem vague to some, but I have learned that EVERYTHING is precious. Who knows when you will no longer have your sight, or touch, or your favorite activities, or the enjoyment of that perfect couch, or contentment with those who are closest to you? Be grateful for everything. ENJOY. DELIGHT. EMBRACE. TREASURE. For tomorrow they may be gone.

Despite Our Circumstances, The Calling Does Not Change.

I am of the strong opinion that the event of November 26, 2008, and the following months of recovering did not take God by surprise. Even in the midst of what I consider a truly challenging, compromised level of the life compared to what I used to live, I am still held accountable before God to fulfill His divine and distinct calling and purpose for my life. It was Gandolf in Lord of the Rings who called out the true nature of one who was born for greatness. “Leave behind the ranger. BECOME who you were BORN to BE!” Each of us has a calling upon our lives. It is not by accident or mistake. God does not pass out exceptions for tough times or mulligans for bumpy roads. HIS CALLING REMAINS. SO MUST I.

If you have found this blog entry to be helpful to you, I welcome you to listen to a message I shared months ago as I began this long slow road towards recovery. It is entitled, “Finding Hope In The Brokenness.” You can download it for free at iTunes, search “The Red Experience.” Thank you.

Navigating Leadership Transitions

THE LAST FEW MONTHS  HAVE BEEN INCREDIBLY TRYING MOMENTS OF MY SOUL. In the midst of one of the most difficult seasons for me personally, many of the people whom I have dearly loved in our ministry have “thrown in the towel” and left our ministry leadership team.

I take it personally. Maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe I need to keep people at arms length. But I can’t. I’m just not wired that way.

My leadership team is my ministry FAMILY. When someone leaves (out of character issues, or “its just time to move on”) I cannot help but feel deeply wounded at their departure; like something has torn loose in my HEART.

I RECENTLY CAME ACROSS THE FOLLOWING THOUGHT-PROVOKING STATEMENT FROM TD JAKES ON THIS TOPIC:
“If we are to avoid disappointment as pastors, we must adjust our expectations to the reality rather than the IDEAL of ministry. Idealistically, we think we have found a place of fulfillment in the pastorate. Idealistically, we believe if we lay down our lives for the sheep, we will be applauded. The truth is, the shepherd is only a steward of the sheep. The sheep are being reared for a purpose – and that purpose is neither camaraderie nor friendship. The flock will not give you a sense of family. If you expect that, then you will end up feeling betrayed. They will not give you intimacy or affection. They will take from your scarred and bleeding hands direction without affection, guidance without commitment…”

Somewhat discouraging? Yes. But it is this last line of Jakes’ statement that gives me hope:

“…Only those who make the transition from SHEEP to DISCIPLES begin to feel any level of loyalty – and that is the direct result of discipline.”

Not EVERYONE is called to be a long-term member of your flock. Some God has called only for a temporary season. When it is time, they WILL leave.

Most of the time YOU can’t change them… They are who they are – Sheep or Disciples. Our job as leaders is not to mourn over the ones who go, but to SEEK OUT the ones who desire to be disciples and offer them opportunities to take up spiritual ownership in the ministry.

If you are going to be an effective shepherd, pastor, or spiritual leader, you must be able to differentiate between the two. If you confuse the makeup of you flock, it will only lead to DISCOURAGEMENT and feelings of inadequacy as a pastor and leader.

Building a Team… Is it worth it?

LET ME PUBLICALLY CONFESS THAT I HATE ASKING FOR HELP. I figure if I can do it myself, why should I ask someone else to do it? I feel like I am being a burden and inconveniencing others when I ask for their help in my ministry. Yet God is slowly teaching me to see leadership and teamwork differently.

Since my motorcycle accident, I have been unable to do many of the things I used to be able to do on my own. What I can do, I do much slower than I used to. When I do something, I tire out much quicker than I used to. Because of these factors, I have been “forced” by God to evolve and develop my leadership skills to include others in a greater way. Here is what I have learned so far about equipping others and building a team:

01. Building a Team is a Vulnerable Process.

True leadership requires you to rely on others. A good team is one that takes ownership and carries the load. A great team is also one that becomes a close-knit community and family. But what do you do when seasons change? Eventually people WILL step down from even the greatest of teams.

The truth is, even though I try not to, I take it personally. Any time someone leaves my team, even if it is for a valid reason, I take it personally. It wounds me. But I have learned that if I close my heart off to others so as to protect my heart from being hurt in the future, I greatly limit my ability to be – a leader.

02. Building a Team Exposes My Insecurities.

When you begin building a team, you will encounter people who can do things better than you can. People who are more gifted, more charismatic, more creative, and more effective in different arenas than you are. How you deal with your insecurities is vitally important to the growth of your team.

I have struggled at times not wanting to bring someone onto my team for fear that they will “one-up” me in one area or another. I have learned though, that the greatest leaders are surrounded by people who can do things better than the leader. I strive to be that kind of leader.  I strive to have that kind of team.

03. Building a Team is One of the Most Fulfilling Endeavors I Can Accomplish as A Leader.

Yes, people will hurt you. Yes, people will let you down. Yes, people will forget to show up, lack passion, grate on your nerves, and at times poorly represent your team and vision. But PEOPLE are the only way you will ever see your vision grow. Without others, your vision will never be more than a dream.

And when you begin to build your team, you will ALWAYS find those people who remind you “this is why I do what I do.” – People who replenish you… People who carry the vision for you when you are too tired to carry it for yourself… People who inspire you to keep going, when inwardly you are only thoughts away from “throwing in the towel”… People who will blow away your expectations with their passion and creativity to do things you could not even imagine doing yourself…. And people who will be Aaron and Hur to hold up your arms, Moses, when the call and visions of God is beyond your ability to handle on your own. Yes, building a team is a challenge… but a fulfilling one. Is it worth it? … ABSOLUTELY!

To Alliance, I am grateful that you allow me to be your leader.

And to some of my “armorbearers,” whether you know it or not… Lori, Steve, Paul, Hosanna, Katie, Allysia… Thank you for holding my “arms” when I don’t have the strength to do it on my own. I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH.

Farewell and Goodbye. Catalyst… we will miss you.

It has been awhile since I have blogged. Life has been… INVOLVED.

God has been moving and I have been the somewhat confused partner in it.

Last night Holly and I experienced the definitive close to a substantial season and chapter in our lives. It was a challenging night of emotions; a celebrated night of historic victories; and a sad night of “good byes.”

Catalyst has become our home and FAMILY for the last 4 years as it has been our privilege to lead the youth and young adult ministry at Orch Rd Christ. Center. These years have seen stunning defeats, overwhelming obstacles, extraordinary victories, and sovereign moves of God: a breathtaking room remodel, 11 amazing retreats, a couple dozen life-changing outreach nights, and over 160 Wednesday night services….

Tonight marked the END of this journey.

As I reflect on this profound season in my life, I am aware of so many lessons God has taught me along the way. Allow me to share a few…

01. Family is a rare commodity. Treasure it. Develop it. Model it. Create it.

What has set Catalyst apart has not been the teaching, the worship, the events, or the video game stations. Catalyst is different because we have put such high value on “being family.” What have I learned? Don’t build a ministry. CULTIVATE A FAMILY.

02. Projects and events are not fulfilling. People are. When you are out of the “people business” you are out of ministry.

I don’t have any regrets of taking time from “office work” to spend time with people… like taking lunch breaks with Travis, Mark, and Josh; playing guitar hero with Zach, late nights with Chrissie, interrupting conversations with Carrie , or going rock climbing with Bryan.

The old Chinese adage is so true: “If you want a year of harvest, sow in corn. If you want a decade of harvest, sow in oak trees. If you want a lifetime of harvest, sow in people.”

Indeed.

03. We lead through our strengths. But we connect with our weaknesses.

This was such a profound truth for me to learn… Some of my greatest nights of Catalyst were not textbook teachings, contextual exegesis, or profound biblical principles, but simple and practical lessons birthed out of the mistakes, trials, and insecurities of my own life. Don’t be afraid to let people see your strengths AND weaknesses.

04. People don’t care how much you know. They want to know how much you care. You can connect with someone far better by listening than by talking.

Someone once said, “You can accomplish more in 2 months by listening to someone else than you can in 2 years by talking about yourself.” God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason. I think He wants us to act accordingly.

05. Though they may never tell you until you leave, NEVER UNDERESTIMATE the impact of your life and legacy in other’s lives.

One of the greatest mind games of my world is that my life doesn’t matter - that all of my efforts, my encouragements, my words, and my LIFE simply DON’T MATTER. To hear students and leaders tell us tonight that we had a fundamental role in their lives being transformed by God was dauntly. I needed to hear it. There are more times than I’d rather admit that I question whether God finds me usable for his purposes.

06. Words truly do hold the power of life and death. Wield your words very carefully. Use that power to encourage others.

I love the word “encourage.” It literally means, “to put courage into.” That is what we are doing as we encourage others. We are PUTTING COURAGE into the them to accomplish what God has designed and orchestrated for them to do.

What an opportunity.

07. People are inspired by bigger-than-life, planet-shaking vision. Don’t be hesitant about sharing your seemingly-impossible vision with others.

08. 7 words can change a person’s life: “I love you. I’m proud of you.“

I used to feel funny about those words coming out of my mouth. Now, I see the power they have in someone else’s life. Don’t be afraid to say them loud and often.

09. This generation is hungry to know and follow people who, though not perfect, try to live out life in a transparent, authentic, God-honoring way.

10. People won’t remember WHAT you said, but they will remember the spirit and heart of your life. Don’t be afraid to let them in.

As the future unveils itself, I look to it with anticipation. This season has closed. But I am confident that God is faithful. Not only will He continue what he began in Catalyst even after we are gone, but I look forward to what God has in store for our future as well.

Well… I guess its time to put this one in the books. Rest assured, wherever I am, you’ll find me pursuing God, loving people, and shaking the gates of hell.

I leave you with this closing thought: “The future belongs to those who have the courage to invent it.”

I guess its time to go do some inventing…

What do you do when you’re the most powerful person in the room?

This is a powerful short talk by Andy Stanley called “What do you do when you’re the most powerful person in the room.”

“In Jesus’ moment of greatest recognition of power, his first line of response was to shed his symbols of power and leverage that power for the sake of the other people in the room.”

WOW. I mean what a paradigm shift from our self-serving, “hey, let me remind you how important I am,” flexing of our INSECURE spiritual leadership muscles.

What an example He leaves for us to follow – the ultimate leadership principle. I just went back and looked up a few of these passages on servant leadership. Pretty amazing stuff.

Philippians 2:3-8, Mark 9:33-35, & Luke 14:7-11

Click here to watch the video.